The Last Gamer Bv2
by Fable Linked
Summary: Aría Yukine was just a normal girl... Well that is until she got herself eaten by a dinosaur. Now Aría is trapped in what appears to be a video game which is a strange amalgamation of Avatar the Last Airbender, FF7, Tomb Raider, and a bunch of other off the wall games from her child hood. What's In store for our would be heroine? Step in and find out! OCFem/
1. Prologue

The Last Gamer Bv2.0 Chapter 1:** Prologue**

**SUBJECT-XVI: Hello and welcome to my house of infinite madness! This is SUB-16 back after a long year+ hiatus. Trust me it wasn't planned and just kinda happened. Anyway I shall begin writing in earnest once more. AND THIS TIME I WON'T STOP UNTIL EVERYONE OF YOU MOTHERFUCKERS ARE AS CRAZY AS I AM! XD**

**Eve: Oh would you get off you're fucking soap box!? It's too fucking early in the morning for this shit.**

**Raxs: It's 3 'o'clock**

**Eve: Exactly!**

**SUBJECT-XVI: Oh God Damn it! I thought you two would have at least had the decency to die! How the fuck did the two of you survive!?**

**Eve: We ate the audience.**

**SUBJECT-XVI: Oh… Well don't just stand there! Go and "Recruit" a new Audience!**

**Raxs: Okay! Any preference this time?**

**SUBJECT-XVI: Yeah! Make sure they're the kind that review!**

**Eve: Please Note that InsanityInc. Is not responsible for any and all death caused by your a totally voluntary and not kidnapped participation in InsanityInc.'s studio audience extravaganza. We of the company also suggest bringing your own food and beverages for we will not be feeding you. Also we highly suggest getting used to the idea of cannibalism because if your buddy keels over before you at least you'll have a snack.**

**SUBJECT-XVI: Anywho let's start the Episode! Eve! Start do the Disclaimer! Once our newest recruit wakes up she can do it! Also next time don't use so much Clorophorm!**

**Eve: But it's so funny the way they twitch when I use a lot!**

**SUBJECT-XVI: Yes but we don't want our victi- I mean volunteer to die because you like to watch people go into shock/have a stroke.**

**Eve: Meh fine! SUBJECT-XVI does NOT own FF7 or any of its series. The broke motherfucker also does not own Avatar the Last Airbender, nor does he own any of the other obscure and random things that will be pumped into this story! Warning this story contains: Blood, Violence, Painful crotch shot inspired deaths, The violent destruction of other people porn, the crushing of children's dreams, A ridiculous amount of eventual sexual innuendo induced jokes, cursing, swearing, and most importantly Lots and Lots and Lots of Hot sticky lesbian sex! Did we mention that there was a lot of the last one? This shit is rated M for a reason people! Deal with it!**

**Eve: Hey Dumb Ass! What's the name of this girl again?**

**SUBJECT-XVI: I think her ID said Aría Yukine! Why?**

**Eve: Because knowing your dumbassness you probably forgot to mention her name in the actual story!**

**SUBJECCT-XVI: … I'll be right back I need to fix something…**

**Note: A Big thanks to R L Keeper who's story The Last Avatar- Gamer Edition inspired this fanfic. Thanks Rue!**

**Intrigue: Life rarely makes sense. It tends to make even less sense when something that has no godly reason for being there up and kills you.**

* * *

**The Last Gamer Bv2.0 Chapter 1: Prologue**

**(STORY START! 3****rd**** person POV! Aría Yukine's POV!)**

Aría couldn't help but stare at the oncoming prehistoric monstrosity with anything short of incredibility. She knew that she was in danger but the pure absurdity of her situation prevented her from doing anything about it.

"How the hell did a miniaturized T-Rex get into my hallway?" was all she managed before she got hit with eight-hundred bounds of live dinosaur slammed into her.

* * *

**CONGRATULATION'S! You're Dead!**

**Continue?**

**Yes**

**No**

* * *

"What the fuck?" Aría asked staring blankly at the small screen floating in front of her face. "SERIOUSLY! SERIOUSLY! Are you fucking kidding me?" she yelled into the void she had quite rudely found herself standing in.

When she got no answer (not that she was honestly expecting any) and subsequently turned her anger toward the screen.

"Do I want to continue? OF FUCKING CORSE I WANT TO CONTINUE!" she grumbled hitting yes.

* * *

**LOADING!**

**LOADING!**

**LO-! ERROR! SAVED_FILE_CORRUPTED!**

* * *

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

* * *

**EMERGANCY REBOOT IN PROCESS! REROUTING ALL ASSESTS TO MENU SCREEN!**

* * *

"Whoa!" Aría shouted in surprise as she was suddenly dropped about a foot and a half. "What the fuck is this?" she asked incredulously. In oppose to the previous void she'd found herself, Aría was now in what looked like a Museum or something. Though in all honestly she couldn't really tell since almost everything a blinding white.

* * *

**Main Menu**

**New Game**

**New Game+ (Locked)**

**Continue (Locked)**

**Extras**

**Options**

**Credits**

* * *

"Well this is just great!" she sighed desperately trying not to go snow blind from the glaring white that surrounded her.

* * *

** Error_Message! X**

**We're sorry for the inconvenience. However it appears that you're previous save file was corrupted beyond repair and has subsequently been delete. Please Select New Game to restart your journey.**

* * *

"Well fuck!" Aría stated before tapping the little **X** dismissing the message. Sighing in trepidation Aría moved to select **New Game** but stopped and instead selected **Options**.

* * *

** Options: X**

Help

Mini Map On/**Off**

Error Report **On**/Off

HUD On/**Off**

Tutorial On/**Off**

Bitchy Complain **Send?**

* * *

Aría felt her eyebrow twitch in irritation at the last option. Sigh she selected the options that looked the most helpful. I.e. **Mini Map**, **HUD**, and **Tutorial**. Though that last option nearly made her brain herself. But hey some tutorial could reveal some pretty useful shit.

Closing the window Aría sighed with trepidation and finally selected **New Game**. And watched deadpanning as another screen appeared in front of her.

* * *

**Congratulations! You Have Selected New Game! We At InsanityInc. Would Like To Thank You For Participation In Selecting New Game!**

**As such as a complimentary prize we shall be loading all of your Achievements from your previous playthrough!**

**We Sincerely Hope You Enjoy Your New Game!**

**And Now Without Further A Due!**

**WELCOME TO CHAOS MECHINATIONS!**

**Loading_Achievements**

**Sky High: You were born mid-flight. Well ain't you special?**

**Born to Travel: Spent the first year of your life in a mobile home.**

**The Lone Star: Finally got a home… In Texas no less.**

**Vegan Powers Activated!: How can you live without meat!?**

**All Star Rookie: Instead of playing with Barbie's like a normal girl YOU joined the little leagues for T-ball**

**Like A Cannon: Hit a 100 MPL pitch straight back into the pitcher's face. SUCK IT MCREED!**

**This. Means. War.: Gained +1 friend… Through Pranking your middle school teacher with a whoopee cushion full of whipped cream and dog shit. (+2 Stealth, +3 Build/Traps/Repair)**

**Hello Dolly: Participated in your first Play… It sucked.**

**Lonely Day: Moved Away from Texas and you're only friend.**

**The One Finger Salute: Learned a great way to piss people off.**

**Sarcasm Is My Second Language: The best reply to a stupid question is by insulting the person who asked it. Learned love of sarcasm. (+5 Speech)**

**I Am A Cunning Linguist: Discovered Love of Dead Languages (+4 to Speech)**

**The Fairer Sex: Discovered you attraction to the same sex. Your parents didn't approve.**

**School Days: Pft Freshman**

**Dead Poets Society: Gained +2 friends and discovered love of poetry.**

**1-Up on Good Ol' Edgar: Wrote a depressing poem that'd make Edgar Allen Poe proud.**

**Prankster Queen: In less than 1 year successfully prank the ENTIRE school faculty and avoid capture at least 12 times. (+2 Stealth, +4 Repair/Trap/Builds)**

**The Furry: Discovered love of all things soft and fluffy.**

**Game Master: Found love of all things gaming.**

**The Ecchi: You're quite the pervert aren't you? Discover love of Hentai… You Perve. (+3 Seduction)**

**Commando: You ran out of clean panties so you went to school without them… In a skirt…**

**Sexiest Bitch On The Block: Successfully managed to get 13 boys chasing you ass. (+4 Seduction)**

**Ice Queen: You're one frosty bitch ain't ya? Showed ALL 13 of the boys hounding you for a date exactly where you think they can stick it by dumping icy-water on their crotches.**

**You Queer Fuck: Successfully unnerved someone not even aware of your presence by staring at them from across the cafeteria.**

**The First: Get your first crush.**

**Rivalry At Its Finest: Get a rival for your crush's affection.**

**The One That Got Away: For some reason everyone still thinks you're straight even after you have made it abundantly clear you're into girls and have subsequently lost the war for your crushes affection… To her sister… Guess is wasn't really a war after all.**

**I Can Bench Press Social Rejection: Got over your crush.**

**The White Blouse: Favorite shirt ruined by the popular school bitch.**

**Dirty Deeds: Picked a fight and framed the other girl and got her expelled. You rather vindictive aren't you? -1 School Bitch.**

**History Buff: Discovered love for all things old and dusty… That's long dead…**

**The Escapist: Finished High school**

**Black Out: You're first exploration into the world of drinking has revealed that you have an astoundingly high alcohol tolerance… Unfortunately that didn't prevent you from the fury of 1,000 burning suns after downing an entire bottle of vodka.**

**One Small Step Into The Rest Of Your Life: Went to college… Pft Freshman…**

**Why? Just… Why?: Achieved 4 majors for your entire college carrier: Music, Science, Dead Languages, Ancient History (+5 Seduction, +6 Repair/Builds/Traps, +7 Speech,) (Unlocked Dual Character Class Selection)**

**Socially Retarded: Awkward Made a friend in collage. +1 friend.**

**Must Have All The Memes!: Made +1 meme obsessed friend**

**The Unwritten: Wrote over 350 works of poetry that shall never see the light of day.**

**So You Think You Can Language?: Made +2 Friends who share your weird love of all things in Dead Languages**

**Burn In Hell Bitch: Found out that your childhood friend has been spreading horrible rumors about you around Collage. -1 Friend**

**My Teacher Is Stalking Me: Wow. Luck is just not on your side. History teacher wants you to be his latest "Book Mark" in his line of "Conquests" and isn't being subtle about it at all.**

**Boom Head Shot: Ensured your creep of a History teacher will never grace the world with his spawn by shooting him in the nuts with a paintball gun full of marbles.**

**Get Me Outa Here!: After 4 year of collage you've decided that you're finished**

**The Penny Pincher: Got a cheap ass apartment even though you could afford a pent house, because you're a cheap ass mother fucker. (+18 Barter)**

**Aperture Science: Your first job and they want you to perform some… Questionable experiments.**

**Law Bringer: Brought the FBI down on your first place of work despite the fact that if they found out before the sting you were liable to getting to pretty fucked up experiments done to you. (+12 Speech, +25 Courage)**

**Night At The Museum: Well it wasn't a Skeleton T-rex/dino-dog… But honey you just died to a dinosaur.**

**Continue?**

* * *

Aría couldn't help but chuckle at some of the achievements. Nor could she help but shed a few tears realizing that her old life was indeed over. It was pretty funny though that all 22 years of her life had been narrowed down to about 46 small achievements. Though she honestly felt sorry for the poor fuck that had to watch through the entire thing and think up awards for it.

"Continue? Meh. Why the fuck not?" Aría asked herself hitting the button.

* * *

**Congratulations you have unlocked new character classes!**

**Discovered New Weapon Classes!**

**Discovered New Character Costumes!**

**Loading…**

**Classes Selection:**

Veteran

Survivor

Scribe

Bender

Jack of All Trades

Smith/Mechanic

**Weapon Selection:**

**Unlocked Sets:**

Unarmed **(Not Suggested)**

Long bow

Short bow

Long Sword

Short Sword

Dagger

Dual Handguns

Shot Gun

Spear Shot Gun

**Unlockable Weapon Set:**

Masamune

Mjölnir

A Mother Fucking RPG

Da Law

SURPRISE MOTHER FUCKER

Crescent Rose

The Un-Holy Bible

Gun Blade

The Hand O' God

The Wabajak

The Unasked Question

Hitler's Mustache

Airbender's Staff

Rebellion

The Hell Raiser

Zeus' Thunder Bolt

Harry's Wand

A Turkey Leg

Bone Blade

Athena's Bow

**Weapon_Selected_?: **Unarmed

**Dual_Character_Classes_Selected_?: **Survivor&amp;Smith/(Mechanic)

**Continue?**

* * *

Aría felt a deep seated sense of irritation of all the cool sounding weapons unviable to her.

"Why the fucked would you tease me like that?" She huffed. Really wishing she could get Masamune or Mjölnir… Though "SURPRISE MOTHER FUCKER" did seriously Peak her interests as did Crescent Rose.

But hey at least she got to choose from some pretty cool classes.

* * *

**Survivor:**

**You Graduated Suma Cum Laude in the school of ass kicking. +5 Repair, Dexterity, Strength, Scavenging, Tracking, Agility, Trapping (Unlocks Hunter Sense)**

**Veteran:**

**You Survived the War… Good luck with that PTSD I hear it's a real bitch. +8 Repair, Trapping, Light Arms, Heavy Weapons (Unlocks Old Timers' Story)**

**Scribe:**

**You are a no life who finds pleasure in books… Yeah good luck with that… +10 Speech, Mana -7 Social, Seduction (Unlocks Loveable Nerd Costume)**

**Bender:**

**One of the few who were born lucky. You have the unique ability to harness the power of 1 element at will… LIKE A BOSS! +20 Mana +3 Social (Note Unlockable In game by Joining the Team Avatar and Defeating Cerberus Boss)**

**Jack of All Trades:**

**You are a lone wanderer who's picked up a little know how on your journeys +2 All trades (Unlocks Lone Wanderer Costume)**

**Smith/Mechanic:**

**You are an Ex-apprentice to the arts of Smithing or Mechanization. Though your master didn't teach you much what you did learn you can employ to the fullest. +9 Repair, Scavenging, Metallurgy or Builds (Warning Must Chose Smithing or Mechanization)**

* * *

Feeling satisfied with her selection Aría hit the continue button with a sense of finality. Which immediately died when the next window popped up.

* * *

**Unarmed Selected**

**Are you Sure?**

**Yes/No**

* * *

Sighing in Irritation Aría hit yes, only to feel her face harden when the next window opened.

* * *

**Are You Positive?**

**Warning Unarmed makes the start of the game exponentially harder, seeing as you will be unarmed.**

**Continue**

**Yes/No**

* * *

"YES! YES! YES!" Aría shouted in irritation. "I fucking beat fucking Dark Souls and made it my bitch! Stop fucking asking me!" Aría shouted stabbing the button.

* * *

**It's Your Funerals.**

**Costume Selection:**

Water Tribe (North

Water Tribe (South)

Fire Nation

Earth Nation

Solari

Aztek

Hunter

The OG Aría

**Unlockable Costumes:**

Sexy Guard (Faction Armor)

The Law (Faction Armor)

Red Cross Academy (Faction Clothes)

The Model (Mission Unlockable)

Thief Garb (Mission Unlockable)

Lara Croft (Survive Prologue Unarmed WITHOUT Dying)

Ninja (Meet and befriend Naruto Uzumaki)

Norse God (Defeat Thor AND Loki)

The Devil In Red (Be a total bitch to someone for no reason)

Indiana Jones Bitch (Make A Lasso)

Dante of Devil May Cry ("Acquire" Rebellion)

**Start Game?**

* * *

"Yo! If it ain't broke don't fix it!" Aría chimed happily before selecting The OG Aría. A Mirror Popped up in front of her showing off her clothes.

"Whoop!" She cheered seeing her favorite outfit which consisted of: A custom white reversible hooded sweater-jacket with the other side being a bright Orange (what? Orange and white are awesome colors), A Crimson red V-neck, A Dark Green pair of cargo pants, and a set of Black steel toed boots.

"Alright Baby! Aría is in the house!" She cheered happily snuggling into her jacket. "Let's start this thing!" Aría proclaimed before hitting Start.

* * *

** Pre-Game Message: X**

**Dear Gamer**

**We at InsanityInc. Would like to apologize. It appear that along with you previous game most of you age has been corrupted. We saved all that we could, however you will be starting your game at age Eight-[glitch] Sixteen! Please note that we did indeed try our best. But you will have to make due.**

**(Consider this payback for that little temper-tantrum back there you little Bitch XOXO Marley)**

* * *

"Yeah? Well fuck you too!" Aría shouted flipping off whoever it was above her before closing the window.

* * *

**Costume_Selected**

**Character_Cemented**

**Loading World…**

**Pre-Game_Set-Up_Complete**

**Preparing_Transport**

**Loading_NPC's**

**Setting-Up_Vendors**

**Writing_Quests**

**Prepping_Achievements**

**In-Game_Set-Up_Complete**

**Enjoy Your New Life Aría**

**(I hope you die a ton you little shit)**

* * *

"Yeah? Well I hope you get crabs!" Aría shouted in defiance before blacking out.

* * *

**SUBJECT-XVI: And that's the end of chapter 1! I hope you guys enjoyed it! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review! The faster you guys do the faster I will pump out more chapters! Your reviews fuel my will to write. Without my will to write I won't do it so… REVIEW!**

**SUBJECT-XVI: Well from all of us down here at InsanitInc. I hope ya'll have a pleasant day! Good Bye and Good Luck!**


	2. Spawning in the Noob

The Last Gamer Bv2.0 Chapter 2: **Spawning in the Noob**

**SUBJECT-XVI: Hi Ho! SUB-16 Here with a brand new chapter of The Last Gamer Bv2.0! Yes I know it just The Last Gamer Bv2 but that because Fanfiction hates my computer and refuses to add Point 0 part so just assume that it's magically there. Okay? Okay! Let's Get Started!**

**SUBJECT-XVI: EVE! IS OUR GUEST AWAKE YET!? AND WHAT WAS HER NAME AGAIN?**

**Eve: NOPE! SHE MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE SQUEAL AND PASSED OUT WHEN SHE SAW ME! AND I DON'T KNOW! SOMETHING JAPANESE?!**

**SUBJECT-XVI: THANKS YOU USELESS FURRY! RAXS! GET ME OUR NAMELESS GUEST'S I.D. I NEED TO REMEMBER HER NAME!**

***A WILD DEADPOOL HAS APPEARED!***

**Deadpool: THERE'S NO NEED TO FEAR! DEADPOOL HAS APPEARED!**

**SUBJECT-XVI: Oh God and all things Holy… How the hell did you get in here!?**

**Deadpool: That's easy sonny! I came in through the front door!**

**SUBJECT-XVI: We don't have a front door… This is a sealed room…**

**Deadpool: Well now you do! XD *Detonates C4 Blasting A Hole To The Outside***

**Deadpool: Welp! My Work here is done! SHAZAM! *THE WILD DEADPOOL HAS ESCAPED!***

**SUBJECT-XVI: Escaped? He's 3 feet away! *Bumps Into Invisible Wall* What the-? FUCK YOU VIDEOGAME LOGIC! DEADPOOL! GET ON THIS SIDE OF THE WALL SO I CAN KICK YOUR ASS DAMN IT!**

***POLICE SERIENS IN THE BACK GROUND***

***WARNING! ANGRY POLICE HOARD INBOUND! DEFEND THE STUDIO 3 HOUR TIMER… START!***

***WARNING! YOUR AUDIENCE IS ESCAPING! ROUND THEM UP OR YOU LOSE!***

**SUBJECT-XVI: Oh son of a bitch! RAXS! You go round up the audience! Put them in "The Box" or something! Me and Eve will handle these son of a bitches! GO!**

**SUBJECT-XVI: EVE! GET THE FLAMETHROWERS AND RPG'S!**

**Deadpool: Warning! InsanityInc. And all of its proceeds do not condone violence against any officer of the law that isn't actually a psychopathic serial killer in disguise! All officers of the law keep up the good work boys! Serial Killers? Go Kill Justin Bieber or something. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to get out of here before the bullets start flying!**

***WARNING! APH IMMINANT! BRACE FOR THE FIRST WAVE! IN 3… 2… 1… FIGHT FOR YOUR SURVIVAL!***

**SUBJECT-XVI: HERE THEY COME!**

**SUBJECT-XVI: I OWN NOTHING PLEASE DON'T SUE ME! SHIT! EAT LED YOU MOTHER FUCKERS!**

**Note: A Big thanks to R L Keeper who's story The Last Avatar- Gamer Edition inspired this fanfic. Thanks Rue!**

**Intrigue: Life rarely makes sense. It tends to make even less sense when something that has no godly reason for being there up and kills you.**

**The Last Gamer Bv2.0 Chapter 2: Spawning in the Noob**

**(STORY START! 3rd person POV! Aría Yukine's POV!)**

Aría always liked to think of herself as a level headed kinda girl. Sarcastic as all get out? Sure? Prone to violent fits of rage once a month? Sure… But every woman had that problem. So yes. Aría was a pretty level head kinda gal. However. No amount of level headedness is going to keep you from cussing like a sailor when you suddenly find yourself falling out of the sky. So this next part isn't really too much of a surprise.

"HOLY FUCKING HELL! YOU DID THIS ON PURPOSE DID YOU MARLEY! YOU FUCKING BIIIIIIITTTTCCCCHHH!" Aría yelled flipping the sky off as she plummeted. She was Earth Bound.

***Insert Rim Shot #HorribleGamePunsAreHorrible***

**Achievement Unlocked!**

**The Mile High Club:**** You just "Gave a Fuck" while at least 1 mile up!**

**Award Unlocked:**

**Zeus' Wrath:**** Congrats you pissed off Zeus! Lightning will randomly attempt to strike you down wherever you go! This affect in Non-Negotiational. May Only Be Repealed By Gaining The Favor Of Zeus!**

"Well Fuck." Aría stated seeing her new "Reward". "This just isn't my day is it?" She sighed.

**Tutorial Arch #1:**

**Congratulations Brat! You've had the good fortune of finding yourself plummeting to the earth at Terminal Velocity! Luckily for you we dropped you about 30 miles up so you've got some time to kill! What better time than this to teach you to fly?**

…

**Well it's not really flying so much as falling with style… Anyway**

**Before you go start doing corkscrews and flips let's start with the basics!**

**Learning To Fly For Dummies:**

**To go forward simply tilt your body forward! It's just that easy! **

**Note: The farther forward you go the faster you move forward and the faster you accelerate.**

**Warning: If you tilt TOO far forward you run the risk of "Stalling". Which in laymen's terms means you'll be stuck pointing straight down accelerating faster and faster until you hit the ground and become a nice red creator.**

**To go backwards simply lean backwards!**

**Note: Doing this not only give you the benefit of getting you in the direction you want to go but also slows you down!**

**Warning: Like going TOO far forward. Leaning TOO far back can also "Stall" you, so watch out!**

**Navigation:**

**To go Left or Right, you have to spread your arms and legs in the "Spread Eagle Position" and then tuck whichever side you want you don't want to go in, in! That's right squirt! If you want to go Left you need to pull in your RIGHT! The same for the other direction!**

**Note: Maintaining the "Spread Eagle" position also gives you the benefit of slowing you down! This time without running the risk of "Stalling". Trust me ya definitely don't wanna be "Stalin" cuz that poor sob got killed!**

**Tricks and Dodging:**

**Seeing how you managed to piss off Zeus (THE FUCKING GOD OF LIGHTNING) while you're in his domain (SERIOUSLY? WHO FUCKING DOES THAT?). We at InsanityInc. Thought it prudent to teach you Aerial dodging… WITH STYLE!**

**Now you may be wondering the merits of using tricks to dodge aerial attacks. Well one it makes you look like a badass. And two when one is falling bar vehicle the chances of you getting hit are significantly decreased. However if you get hit your more than likely dead.**

**Front Flips and Back Flips:**

**This move is achieved but achieving the "Fetal" Position and leaning forward or backwards to achieve whichever trick you're aiming for.**

**Note: Doing this move you can temporarily make your short ass self and even smaller target so as not to get yourself fried by way of lightning skewer.**

**Warning#1: While using a successive "Front Flip" or "Front Roll" you are impervious to "Stalling" you are likely to contract a "Nausea Effect" Which will make things a lot harder to tell which way is up and which way is down. This isn't a good idea because you can still "Stall" while emerging out of a "Front Roll"**

**Warning#2: While "Front Flipping" or "Front Rolling" Navigation is impossible.**

**Barrel Rolls and The Little Twister:**

"**Rolling" is achieved by tucking your arms to your sides and firmly locking your legs together (basically you want to start "Planking") and twisting your body in the direction you want to go.**

**Note: This move is considered a "Quick Dodge" as successfully doing this maneuver will accelerate you in the direction you want to go.**

**Warning#1: Like "Front Rolling" excessive uses of this move will give you a "Nausea Effect". While unlike you won't run the risk of "Stalling" you can end up falling backwards. Which can act as a double edged sword. Allowing you to see what's behind you. But blinding you to what's in front of you.**

**Warning#2: While navigation is possible while "Rolling" or "Quick Dodging" controlling your decent speed is not. Meaning that you will continually be going faster and faster the longer you maintain a "Quick Dodge".**

**Breaking:**

**To escape a trick you have to respreads your arms and legs. Once again achieving the "Spread Eagle" position.**

**End Tutorial:**

**Note: Well that's it squirt! Now you know all you need to know about falling with style! And since you do we will now stop preventing Zeusy boy from trying to fry your boney ass! Good Luck with the 20 minute fall! XD**

**Love Marley.**

"Oh… Fuck…" Aría stated awestruck at the entire sky around her from a good twenty feet away filled with dark black storm clouds.

**20:00 TIMER STARTS IN 3:**

**3…**

**2…**

**1…**

…

**SURVIVE!**

"HOLY SHIT!" Aría screamed as a bolt of lightning passed close enough to her face to give her a slight burn.

**GOD DAMN IT! COMBAT PAUSE!**

**ZEUS! YOU HAD ONE JOB! ONE FUCKING JOB!**

**Achievement Unlocked!**

**Ouch!:**** Congratulations! You Survived Your First Injury! Why couldn't you have taken a bullet to the head like a normal person? Hey Look You survived your first Injury! Because of your brilliant feet of survival you get you get what everyone wants and what some people desperately need!**

**Reward Unlocked:**

**My Mind See Many: ****Congratulations! You've unlocked your HUD! You can see what the fuck is going on around you! Oh… And some other stuff too…**

**HUD: Activated!**

**Mini Map: Activated!**

**Compass: Activated!**

**Injury Map: Activated!**

**Stamina Bar: Locked!**

**Mana Bar: Locked!**

**Hunger Bar: Locked!**

**Thirst Bar: Locked!**

**Temperature Meter: Locked!**

**Visibility Gage: Locked!**

**The HUD! Or Heads Up Display: is a nifty little visual aid that allows you to see how you're doing! You feel like the walking dead? Well see that little green bar at the top right of you vision? That says you're A Okay! So stop bitching.**

**Mini Map: See that partially see through circle with the compass on the bottom of it and the tiny triangle in its center (That's you)? That lets you know where everything within a Twenty-Five Meter Range around you is! Why is it all blue currently? Well that may or may not have something to do with the fact that you are 10 Miles up!**

**(God Damn It! Now I Need To Re-Adjust The Timer!)**

**Injury Map: See that little grayish body outline? That's you! Quite the resemblance ain't it? This "Map" let's you know WHERE you're injured and HOW BADLY you're injured. The Lighter it is the more superficial it is. The Darker red it is mean how severely the injury is! If ANY part of your body turns BLACK then it means that it might as well not be there! It will not move, even the slightest of movement will continually drain approximately .1% of life, and for all intents and purposes that piece of you has been removed.**

**These wounds can be healed, if they are minor enough (Anything in the yellow range, though the dark the yellow the longer it'll take) will automatically heal with your now accelerated healing factor. If a wound is Severe (Anything is the RED range, the darker the RED the more aid it will take!) then you can heal it using first-aid or medicines. If a wound is BLACK then only a Professional Healer, Extremely Heavy Medication (Like Knock Your Punk Ass Out Medication), Doctor, or Mystic may repair the injury.**

**Currently the rest of your HUD is locked until you meet the requirements to unlock them.**

**Good Luck!**

**10:00 Timer Starts In 3:**

**3…**

**2…**

**1…**

**SURVIVE!**

"Well… I'm fucked." Aría stated having no allusions to surviving a TEN FUCKING MINUTE long fall while Zeus was busy hurling Lightning Bolts at her.

Even if she did somehow manage to not get electro-fried there was still the fact that she'd just fell for roughly an hour. Even if the ground was made out of pillows and fluff she'd still die from the unrelenting force that known as gravity smashing her insides into a fine liquidy paste.

"Whelp… I'm fucked… but hey! At least I can go down like a boss!" Aría sighed. "WHOA! WATCH WERE YOU'RE THROWING THOSE THINGS!" She shouted as another lightning bolt flew by her head.

And for the next 9 Minutes and 25 Seconds, Aría pulled off ridiculous amounts of feet's of SWAG. Had the game run off SWAG it would have been effectively broken. But it didn't so it wasn't.

***A WILD DEADPOOL HAS APPEARED!***

"Hi honey! Sky diving without a parachute? Risky business that!" Deadpool said nonchalantly falling next to Aría. "It's Dangerous to go alone! Here take this!" Deadpool shouted handing Aría a Parachute.

Filling the overwhelming urge to do something she hadn't done in years. Aría Grabbed the Parachute and hoisted it above her head, though she didn't expect anything to happen.

***Da-da-da-DA!***

And just like Legend of Zelda the chimes went off and the bag started to float while surrounded by a heavenly light. Much to Aría's incredulous shock as angry thunder rained down around her but all somehow missing her. Deadpool was just giggling away as the thunder came to a stop. Apparently Zeus was out of Thunderbolt or something.

**Deadpool: That's because I stole them! *Wink, Wink***

**You Got A Parachute! Equip It Quick!**

Not sparing a second more Aría shrugged on the Parachute, and pulled the tab with the Big #1 on it. Instantly a large round Parachute unfolded out of the innards of the bag, bring Aría down from "Fucking Hell I'm Screwed" Speeds all the way to "I'm A Little Butterfly!".

And then was promptly caught on the highest branch of a tall ass dead tree in the middle of a giant ass clearing.

"God damn it!"

"Fare thee well fare Maiden my job is done!" Deadpool stated appearing in Knights armor while wearing a jetpack in front of Aría.

"Wait, wait, wait! Deadpool how the fuck did you get here? and why'd you help me?" Aría asked confused.

"Oh that's easy! I came because the Author of this story is too stupid to figure out a way for you to survive the fall normally so he sent me here to give you that there Parachute!" **(:P) **Deadpool stated completely ignoring the 4th wall. "Well! Totaloo toots! Normally I'd hang around ta hit on ya but yer lookin' a little young around the edges there! See ya when ya gots you some titties on ya! SHAZAM!" And with that the Merc with a Mouth was gone.

"Well how the hell Am I supposed to get down now?!" Aría yelled still hanging from the dead try like a limp noodle.

**SUBJECT-XVI: And that's the end of chapter 1! I hope you guys enjoyed it! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review! The faster you guys do the faster I will pump out more chapters! Your reviews fuel my will to write. Without my will to write I won't do it so… REVIEW!**

**SUBJECT-XVI: Well from all of us down here at InsanitInc. I hope ya'll have a pleasant day! Good Bye and Good Luck!**

**SUBJECT-XVI: Oh and a big thanks to Valrew169 and Shaunee Altman for being my FIRST REVIEWERS on this story! Thanks a lot guys! **


	3. Irritations Galore

The Last Gamer Bv2.0 Chapter 3: **Irritations Galore**

**SUBJECT-XVI: Yo! Hello all of you mother fucking degenerates! SUB-16 here once again with a new chapter! Damn I'm just spitting these one out like crazy ain't I? Anyway myself, Eve, And Raxs just burning all the bod- I mean cleaning the mess that Deadpool (who is getting a payment dock for BLOWING A HOLE IN MY STUDIO!) left upon his last visit.**

**Eve: Yeah that was irritating to deal with. Especially that fat cop dressed in body armor. That fucker was like a Sherman tank. Huge and difficult to deal with.**

**Raxs: What was with the whole spitting acid thing though? I didn't even know cops could do that!**

**Deadpool: Well that's just one of the perks of being a boss character! Ya get yerself a bunch'o neaty tricks skippy!**

**SUBJECT-XVI: God damn it! No! You are banned from entering my studio!**

**Deadpool: Well that's rude! Oh well!**

***Deadpool Has Left The Building***

**SUBJECT-XVI: Why can't we have normal problems?**

**Eve: Maybe because your girlfriend is an immortal Succubus from the Eldritch Dimension?**

**SUBJECT-XVI: Yay that's probably it. Also it probably doesn't help that we frequently destroy large amounts of property when we're bored.**

***BOOOM***

***Congratulations! It's The End Of The World! Zombies And Hostile Demons Are At Every Turn!***

***WARNING! Because of the load noise at your establishment a Zombie Hoard is Inbound!***

**SUBJECT-XVI: Why do I have a funny feeling that Deadpool had his hand in this?**

**Deadpool: This hole I did! I didn't want to miss the show! XD as for the Apocalypse? I'm pretty sure that was you're girlfriend!**

**SUBJECT-XVI: Well I did always say that Wednesdays were hell on earth. I guess Amy took that wanted to make it literal… *Sigh* Raxs get the flamethrowers. Eve… Stand there and look pretty. New Girl!**

**Aría Yukine: Nrg! Zzzzzzz….**

**SUBJECT-XVI: … Keep sleeping…**

***HOARD IN BOUND! BUCKLE UP SONNY! THIS IS GOING TO BE A BUMPY RIDE!***

**SUBJECT-XVI: Deadpool! Get the Hell out of the Announcer's Both and Let Him do His Job!**

**Deadpool: Aww… You guys are no fun! Oh! I know! I'll bring some more friends! That'll make everything even better!**

**SUBJECT-XVI: No Deadpool Wai-**

***The Wild Deadpool Has Fled!***

**Eve: Why do I have the feeling that things are going to get worse when he gets back?**

**Raxs: Because that's just our luck?**

**SUBJECT-XVI: Yep. Oh Well. You guys know the drill. I own nothing! And please review. The lack of input I'm getting from you guys is a little… Disconcerting. I don't know if I'm do good on this story or not.**

**Eve: SUB! WRAP IT UP! HERE THEY COME!**

**Raxs: Shit these guys can really book it.**

**SUBJECT-XVI: Yeah, yeah I got it. Anyway talk to ya'll later! This shouldn't take too long. After Zombies aren't too hard… Oh fuck… I just basically said how bad could it be didn't I? Well Shit!**

**Note: A Big thanks to R L Keeper who's story The Last Avatar- Gamer Edition inspired this fanfic. Thanks Rue!**

**Intrigue: Life rarely makes sense. It tends to make even less sense when something that has no godly reason for being there up and kills you.**

**The Last Gamer Bv2.0 Chapter 3: Irritations Galore**

**(STORY START! 3rd person POV! Aría Yukine's POV!)**

* * *

**LAST TIME**

"Well! Totaloo toots! Normally I'd hang around ta hit on ya but yer lookin' a little young around the edges there! See ya when ya gots you some titties on ya! SHAZAM!" And with that the Merc with a Mouth was gone.

"Well how the hell Am I supposed to get down now?!" Aría yelled still hanging from the dead try like a limp noodle.

* * *

**NOW!**

"DEADPOOL! DEADPOOL! COME ON! DON'T JUST LEAVE ME HANGING HERE! DEADPOOL!" Aría yelled angrily. "That God damned bastard. Now how the hell am I gonna get out of-… you have got to be kidding me." Aría stated as it started to rain. "THIS IS BECAUSE YOU MAD THAT YOU CAN'T THROW AND MORE LIGHTNING ISN'T IT YOU FUCKING BASTARD!?"

"(Sigh) Hmm… Well… If I brace myself against the truck… I might just get enough of an angle to land on that branch the next level down… If it holds my weight." Aría mumbled taking stalk of her situation.

* * *

***BAMF!***

* * *

"Oh Come on! You had one more!" Aría shouted as her parachute burst into flames started by Zeus' last defiant lightning bolt. "Shit! I gotta to get out of here!" Aría shouted as the fire started to make a slow crawl towards her.

"Shit, shit, shit. This is a bad idea." Aría grumbled the now wet drunk making it hard for her to get a proper bracing. "Fuck it!" Aría yelled releasing the buckle on the Parachute and dove for the lower branch.

* * *

"Oof!" Aría gasped landing hard on the branch. "Ouch… That hurt." Aría gasped pulling herself fully onto the slick branch… This proved to be a mistake.

* * *

***CR-CRA-CRACK!***

* * *

"Oh no… NO! NO! NO! PLEASE DON'T BREAK!" Aría pleaded as if she could encourage the old branch to hold.

* * *

***CRACK!***

* * *

"DAMN IT!" Aría screamed as she and the branch plummeted to the ground crashing through anything and everything below her.

* * *

*** THUMP, Thump!***

* * *

"Ow…" Aría gasped as her back made a rather unfriendly acquaintance with the solid surface known as the ground.

* * *

***CL-CLACK! CLACK! CRUNCH!***

* * *

"Oh not you too!" Aría whined at the entire tree predictably started to fall… In her direction of course. Unwilling to put up much effort to avoid the latest thing to try and kill her. Aría simply rolled to her left a couple of times before stopping on her back.

"This really isn't my day." She stated ignoring the rain falling on her face. "Lucky I landed on a large rock. Otherwise the white half of my jacket would get stained." She huffed.

* * *

**CONGRATULATIONS!**

**You managed to NOT end up imitating an ink blot card!**

**Achievement Unlocked!**

**Ghost In The Clouds:**** You survived falling 10 miles with a pissed off Zeus shooting Lightning Bolts at you the whole way down!**

**Reward: ****+300 Gil! +200 EXP! +1 Lightning Warding Badge!**

**Bonus Award!:**** For somehow magically avoid taking ANY damage (No near misses that caused damage doesn't count, you lucky little bitch), you have been awarded +5 Full Restore Potions, and the Materia Shine!**

* * *

Out of the screen flew the four mentioned objects… Right into Aría face.

"You just couldn't resist could you?" she huffed. "Now what the hell do you do?" Aría asked picking up the Materia and Badge.

* * *

**Achievement Unlocked!**

**Glowy Death Ball… OF DEATH!:**** You got your first Materia! Too bad you have no clue how to actually use it.**

**Reward:**** +2 Weak Mana Potions.**

**Achievement Unlocked!**

**Respect The Badge:**** You Got Your First Badge! These useful items all have a different function all designed to help the user survive the various things trying to kill them found throughout the world.**

**Reward:**** +10 EXP! +20 Gil!**

* * *

"Ugh." Aría moaned as more things hit her in the head. Though surprisingly enough the small bag of Gil simply was absorbed by the bigger one (Which expanded to accommodate the larger number of coins)

"Come on girl, time to get up and greet the world." Aría sighed standing up and cramming her new stuff into her jacket pockets. "Ugh. This isn't going to work… I need a bag or a backpack or something.

* * *

**Achievement Unlocked!**

**LAND!:**** Congratulations! You are now Earthbound and stuck on the ground like most mortals. Don't that just give ya the warm fuzzies?**

**Reward:**** +100 Gil! +80 EXP!**

* * *

Snatching the Gil out of the air. Aría non-commitingly put it with the rest of its kind.

"Well let's get going! What the-? Why can't I move?!"

* * *

**Tutorial Arch#2:**

**Now that you've got your boots firmly planted on Terra Firma let's take the time to teach you some of the basics!**

**Hey! You're the smart one who thought it was a good idea to turn on these stupid Tutorial Segments!**

**PSA Announcement!**

**EXIT THIS MESSAGE TO PROVE YOUR ABILITY TO READ**

* * *

"Why does this sound familiar?" Aría wondered exiting the message.

* * *

**Jump If You Wish To Jump. It's Just That Easy.**

**Jumping Allows You To Move In A Z-Axis Without Touching The Ground In Between**

* * *

"Okay… This is really starting to feel familiar." Aría stated feeling her eyebrow twitch.

* * *

**Crouch To Go Lower**

**Crouching Activates Your Quadriceps And Challenges Your Sense Of Balance**

* * *

"Yeah this is definitely a rip off from somewhere…"

* * *

**To Look Around. Look Around.**

**Looking Around Enables One Of Your Five Senses Vital To Navigation**

* * *

"What is the damn name this stupid tutorial is from?! And why the hell is the music from Terminator playing!?"

* * *

**Walking Allows You To Go In Many Exciting Direction**

**To Walk, Which Is Focusing On Slowing Down Your Pace From Run To Something Significantly Slow-**

* * *

"BLOOD DRAGON! THIS TUTORIAL IS TOTALLY A RIP OFF FROM THE FAR CRY 3 DLC BLOOD DRAGON!" Aría shouted victoriously at busting the mean programmer lady. "Admit it! I totally busted your copywriting ass!"

* * *

**...**

…**.**

**Fine…**

**Achievement Unlocked!**

**Busted:**** CongratuFUCKINGlations you busted me. Yes I ripped off the tutorial from the Blood Dragon DLC. You Happy?**

**Reward:**** +1 Brown Paper Bag Of Air! +10 Perception!**

* * *

"Yes I am, thank you… So is that it?"

* * *

**Yes that's it. Get out of here you little bitch.**

* * *

"Aye! Aye! Captain Cunt!" Aría replied giving a mock salute. "Now to get a bag… THE PARACHUTE!" Running to the tip of the tree (which was surprisingly far away), Aría found the remains of the Parachute.

The main parachute was utterly destroyed with only a couple yards of rope remaining. Luckily enough the bag itself seem remarkably intact.

"Huh! No LoZ? Meh I guess it was a onetime thing." Aría mumbled holding the Parachute Bag awkwardly. As there was a distinct lack of urges that would ultimately lead her to channeling Link Aría sat the bag upright checking the outside for and obvious damage. "Hmmm… Nothing so far… Let's hope the inside looks as good as the outside." Aría mused opening the bag.

Inside Aría found the emergency parachute (which was disconnected) and a couple more yards of rope.

"What the fuck?" Aría stated staring picking up the unattached back up. "DEADPOOL YOU RETARD! I COULD HAVE DIED!" Aría yelled realizing that if the first Parachute had malfunction she'd be -1 life.

Sighing in irritation Aría shrugged on her new pack leaving the auxiliary straps to hang uselessly. She was already planning to cut them off and use them for salvage.

* * *

**CONGRATULATIONS!**

**You have received +1 Backpack!**

**Achievement Unlocked:**

**Repurposed:**** You're a firm believer in the saying "One man's Trash is another man's Treasure". That said you might want to enlist in a weekly prescription of Hand Sanitizer.**

**Reward:**** +10 Gil, +10 EXP, +Auto-Sort Mod. (Auto puts whatever you pick up into your pack.)**

**Backpack Tutorial: ****Congratulations brat you managed to find yourself a Backpack, This gives you the added benefit of charring more stuff! Better yet whenever you pick up an item you already have it will be automatically sorted into an Inventory Slot! Unfortunately since there has been a little… Argument… on how the inventory system will look, for the time being you will NOT be getting a Window and will have to search for the items manually.**

**If you wish to store simply hold the item in your hand and "Wish" it into your pack. That's literally all you have to do.**

* * *

"Wow… That was actually informative and useful. Thanks Captain Cunt!" Aría stated closing the rather short and simple tutorial.

* * *

**Achievement Unlocked!:**

**Resourcing:**** Finders Keepers Losers Weepers! You've managed to find yourself some useful/useable gear! Good Job! Hopefully you're smart enough to actually DO something with it and aren't simply a hoarder.**

**Reward:**** +10 EXP, +10 Gil, +1 Crafters Mod, +1 Fuser Mod, +1 Breaker Mod, +1 Modder's Mod**

**Crafting/Fusing/Breaking/Modding Tutorial: ****Congratulations! You now have to the power to build things! As long as you have the resources and intelligence to do it you can! Let's gets ya some learning!**

**Crafter Mod: ****With this handy little mod installed every time you open your pack a window will appear which will allow you to use items from your inventory to create many wondrous and useful items! Weapons, Clothing, Armor, You name it! BUT ONLY if you have the items necessary to make it!**

**Warning:**** Some tasks might are better left to being done manually. Say if you want to make a Bow. For some reason every time we tried to get this thing to make one we always ended up with a big fiery explosion of death. Not quite sure how some long sticks, rope, and cloth make a bomb. But oh well!**

**Fuser Mod:**** This little mod is great in correlation to the ****Crafter Mod****. This Mod opens another window besides The ****Crafter Mod**** window. This window allow you to place 1 Resource item in the center and then by placing whatever other resources around it can then fuse those items into the one in the center.**

**Warning:**** Some items CANNOT be fused together. Ex: Wood and Rocks. Trying to fuse these two resources will only end in your wood getting turned into a pile of saw dust and the destruction of your rock. Better to save that task for the ****Breaker Mod**** where it will not require a stone sacrifice.**

**Breaker Mod: ****This Mod allows you to do exactly what you think it does. By placing a resource item into the window that item will be broken down 1 Level into it's under resource. A block of wood will turn into a pile of sticks and so on and so for. By placing a built item (Like a gun, or some cloth) that item will be deconstructed and/or be turned into a resource block. Also note that placing dirt/gravel/sand/others in this window will cause them to be sifted and destroyed in the process. Sifting yields a chance of dropping various unexpected items.**

**Warning: ****Some resource cannot be broken down so putting them in the window for this mod will result in nothing… Or an explosion… it's hard to tell sometimes.**

**Modder's Mod: ****This nifty little mod acts similar to the fuser mod. However it only works with prebuilt items. Weapons, Clothing, Armor, and the like. Using this window you can repair your items using either Ingots or raw resource items depending on what you're trying to achieve. It also has the ability to infuse any of the aforementioned categories with special properties/abilities/functionality. This can be useful for different purposes. However that can't be revealed until you stumble upon the purpose.**

**Warning: ****Can cause sudden and horrific out bursts of total and complete SWAG… But seeing that you're already a lesbian I don't think that'll really matter.**

* * *

"Can't argue with you there… Hmmm… Crafting eh?" Aría said a maniacal grin slowly spreading across her face. "Sounds fun!"

* * *

**SUBJECT-XVI: Well that's it! SHIT! DIE YOU MOTHER FUCKER. *Ahem!* Thanks for reading todays chapter! Please review! FUCK! DIE! WHY ARE THERE SO MANY OF YOU!**

**Eve: I THINK IT'S OUR GUNS! THEY KEEP ATTRACTING MORE!**

**Raxs: GUNS? I RAN OUT OF AMO HOURS AGO! I'VE BEEN KNOCKING OFF THESE SUCKERS BY STABBING THEM TO DEATH WITH SHARPENED CHOP STICKS!**

**SUBJECT-XVI: THERE'S MORE AMO IN THE BACK! GO RESTOCK!**

***An Insane Mother Fucker Has Arrived!***

**Deadpool: Hi Guys! I brought Friends! ~And They're Hungry!~**

***Gestures To The 20+ Tanks Chasing Him***

**SUBJECT-XVI: Deadpool… I hate you.**

**Deadpool: I Know You Mean Love!**

**SUBJECT-XVI: Guys if I somehow survive this shit. So reviews would be appreciated… Also thanks FUCK! Shaunee Altman for the revie- DIE! Review. I couldn't really understand what you were trying to tell me because I can no brain. But the sentime-MOTHER FUCKER!-nts are appreciated. BYE BYE! XD**

**SUBJECT-XVI: YOU COCK SUCKER WHORE! JUST DIE ALREADY!**


	4. Chapter 0

The Last Gamer Bv2.0 Chapter 0: **Sorry**

**SUBJECT-XVI: Sorry Ya'll no chapter today. I've been sacrificing a lot of sleep lately to bring you guys the chapters every 2/3 days. And Today I'm just too tired to bring you a new one. Not to fear I have one half way completed and will post that one tomorrow. Anyway that's it. See you guys soon.**

**SUBJECT-XVI: Oh And Please PLEEEEAAAASSSEEE Review. They really do help me and give me the will to keep on writing chapters for this fanfic.**


	5. One Big Ass Sword

The Last Gamer Bv2.0 Chapter 4: **One Big Ass Sword**

**SUBJECT-XVI: Hey ya'll… *Yawn* God I'm tired! Whelp it's to be expected. After I'm pretty sure that we just took out half of the world's population with the amount of zombies we murdered… Speaking of Zombies… EVE! ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?**

**Eve: Fuck you. Leave me alone and let me sleep!**

**Raxs: What she said.**

**SUBJECT-XVI: Okay then… Well… Umm… Words… Oh! To Shaunee Altman! Yes I am fully aware that practically no one reads the author notes. I just put up these things for the few people who actually do.**

**Aría: Erg… What happened to me?**

**SUBJECT-XVI: AH! My youngish guest! How are you? Also you liking the younger age?**

**Aría: Erm… What?**

**SUBJECT-XVI: WELCOME TO INSANITYINC.! We're the people who kil- I mean saved you from that dinosaur and put you in our experimental and totally not dangerous videogame! XD**

**Aría: YOU MOTHER FUCKER! THAT WAS YOU?! AND WHERE'S THAT MARLEY BITCH?!**

**SUBJECT-XVI: Oh Her? She went home.**

**Aría: Damn. Well what the fuck do you want with me? Why am I here?**

**SUBJECT-XVI: Honestly? You're here to be our newest Play thing! XD JK. The reason you're here? Well that's just something you'll have to figure out on your own time!**

**Aría: You fucking suck**

**SUBJECT-XVI: And what I currently want is for you to do the disclaimer!**

**Aría: Um… Okay? This bastard next to me (HEY!) doesn't own or isn't responsible for whatever it is he's having me disclaim… So disclaimer stuff…**

**SUBJECT-XVI: Okay Ya'll know the drill! Aría! BACK TO THE BOX WITH YOU!**

**Aría: WHAT THE FU- *Aría Yukine Has Been Banished To "The Box"***

**Note: A Big thanks to R L Keeper who's story The Last Avatar- Gamer Edition inspired this fanfic. Thanks Rue!**

**Intrigue: Life rarely makes sense. It tends to make even less sense when something that has no godly reason for being there up and kills you.**

**The Last Gamer Bv2.0 Chapter 4: One Big Ass Sword**

**(STORY START! 3rd person POV! Aría Yukine's POV!)**

***BOOM!***

"Ow… Mother fuckers…" Aría moaned dragging herself out of the tree her back had just made an acquaintance with.

She had spent the past two or three hours experimenting with different potential Crafting Recipes using a bunch of sticks she'd ripped off the dead one in the middle of "her clearing".

Most of them resulted in a minor explosion that sent her into a tree or into the middle of the clearing next to the dead tree. Or just did nothing.

"Why can't I get any of these to work!?" Aría shouted in frustration kicking the tree she'd just crashed into. "Fucking fine then!" she grumbled before taking out a few stacks of sticks, some rope, and some cloth (made by putting the Emergency shoot in the Breaker Mod window). "I'll just build a bow. At least that's something that I know won't explode in my face.

**Dear Gamer:**

"Gah!" Aría shouted throwing the makeshift bow that she was making into the air in surprise.

**We at InsanityInc. Would like to sincerely apologize for the difficulties you (the Player) have been forced to contend with. It has recently come to light that you're Game Master has been purposefully making your experience harder than it should have been, and has been preventing the Prologue's continuation because of selfish reasons.**

"And it took you guys this long? I'm fucked" Aría deadpanned.

**Therefore we have decided to fully unlock your HUD, The Climbing Axe (an item previously locked to the Lara Croft Costume), as well as give you a journal that will give you: Hints, Low Level Crafting Recipes, as well as various other helpful information.**

"Which you going to try and kill me with aren't you?" she accused. Finishing her makeshift long bow and slipping it over her head.

_**(A/N: Think of the one that Lara uses/how she carries it in the beginning of the 2014 Tomb Raider)**_

**We sincerely hope that this minor interruption has not in any way affected your opinion of the game so far. Thank you for your time.**

Instead of being flung at her face like all the items sent to her previously. Aría was pleasantly surprised when the gently floated out of the small screen and floated before her.

"Yay! New Items for me! New Items for me! New items for meeeee! New Items for me!" Aría happily sung.

**Stamina Bar: Unlocked!**

**Mana Bar: Unlocked!**

**Hunger Bar: Unlocked!**

**Thirst Bar: Unlocked!**

**Temperature Meter: Unlocked!**

**Visibility Gage: Unlocked!**

**HUD Tutorial#2:**

**Congratulations! You have unlocked the rest of your HUD! This is great for you because now you always know how you are doing physically without resorting to the pesky chance of guess work!**

**Stamina Bar:**** That yellow bar now blinking at the bottom of your vision is you Stamina. This bar indicates how long you can run, or how many heavy actions you can do. EVERYTHING costs stamina. From simply walking and staying up for long periods of time, to sports and active fighting. Again, EVERYTHING cost stamina.**

**Mana Bar: ****Your Mana bar is the Orange bar with the fancy white scroll work on it. Seeing that you have a strange obsession with those colors our programmers thought it was a nice touch. Not many actions require Mana. Those that do are as followed: Learning (yes learning costs Mana. Not much but after a while it will take its toll), Using Materia (Materia work off you an intense amount of concentration to work with your brain waves to manifest their pre-programmed purpose into reality), Casting Magic (Yes there is magic, (like Harry Potter shit) however unlike Materia you have to consciously write your will and purpose into any spell (think of it like an calculous problem) instead of just shoving a bunch of concentration into it like you would with Materia (Which does the majority of the work for you), and using specialized attacks (Like sending a shockwave of doom out of a sword).**

**Hunger Bar: ****Your Hunger bar allows you to see how much food you require. Meaning that even if you don't FEEL hungry, you might actually BE hungry and is the Dark Red bar in the bottom right of your vision. If it reaches zero there won't be any detractions from your health. However you will contract a slowness effect and you will be more susceptible to effects like Nausea, poisoning, and light damage won't instantly start healing.**

**Thirst Bar:**** This one doesn't have much to it and simply allows you to see how long you have till you start dehydrating. This bar is the light blue one underneath your Hunger bar. If dehydration does happen you will contract a High Fever and Nausea which together can start gradually draining your health. And all in all give you a bad time.**

**Warning:**** Both the Hunger bar and the Thirst bar while separate aren't too important. However if both start getting low than you run the risk of seriously bad effects and even death. So keep an eye on both!**

**Temperature Meter:**** This small thermostat like window only appears when you start getting too hot (Whether from wearing too many articles of clothing, or from being in an area with a high heat rating) or too cold (I.E. Wearing too little at night or not enough heavy clothing in cold temperatures). Either way if this window appears then it is highly suggested that you remedy the reason for its appearance, because once it reaches its halfway mark you will start to lose health (with more HP drain the closer to the top the indicator gets). And once the indicator reaches the top you will instantly die. No matter how much health you have remaining. The second the indicator reaches 100% you are dead.**

**Visibility Gage:**** This Eye styled window appears while or engaging in the activity of sneaking. The wider the eye is indicates how likely it is you will be spotted. Wide open means that the second an enemy looks in your direction you will be spotted, while completely shut means that you are now all but a ghost to your target. Ways to reduce your visibility are: Wearing less bright clothing (*Cough* Like Your Jacket *Cough*), hiding in darkened areas/shadows, crouching, and hiding behind objects.**

**This concludes the HUD Tutorial Arches.**

"Yay! No more HUD tutorials!" Aría yelled slightly distracted by her new gear.

Clipping her new Axe to her hip. Aría opened the journal (which was a small paperback sized leather bound book) and spent the next 10 minutes quickly flipping through the journal trying to find the pages that contained the crafting instructions (while ignoring most of the information).

"Okay let's see… How does one do with these stupid mo- Oh shit…" Aría gasped suddenly finding the tip of a very long, very sharp sword.

"Drop your weapons." A rather familiar voice started.

Following the blade of the weapon, Aría looked up into the blue cat eyes of the single most deadly swordsman (In her opinion anyway) to ever have been spawned.

"Holy shit…" Was all Aría managed before tipping sideways and passing out.

The swordsman simply raised a single white eyebrow in amusement before he sheathed Masamune. Reaching behind his back the white haired man grabbed the girl's hands and cuffed them to a low hanging branch.

"Wake up." He stated lightly slapping the young girl.

"Five more minutes mommy…" Was her sleep reply.

Chuckling slightly the swordsman proceeded to shake his captive awake.

"Huh…? Erm… What?" Aría asked sleepily. "God that was a weird dream… I wonder why I was being held at sword point by Sephiro-th-th-th! OH GOD IT WASN'T A DREAM!" Aría shouted seeing the white haired swordsman standing impatiently in front of her. After trying and failing to pinch herself to ensure she wasn't in a dream. Aría looked up and saw her current hand cufffy predicament.

"Well never let it be said that I would have ever thought that THE Sephiroth was into bondage." Aría said blankly looking up at her cuffed hands. "Why the hell am I hand cuffed?"

"I will tell you once you answer a few questions." Sephiroth stated clearly amused by her antics.

"Well fire away! Not like I can say no while you're carrying the world's largest skewer. Not that you probably could kill me just by blinking without anyways." Aría snarked.

"Not again with the skewer jokes." Sephiroth mumbled irritably. "First off what are you doing in the middle of a war zone?"

"Camping!" She chirped sarcastically. "Seriously what did you think I was doing? Besides I didn't even know this was a warzone. Shouldn't it be… Oh I don't know a little more… Warry?" She asked making little air quotes.

"Warry?" Sephiroth asked with a raised eyebrow. "And answer the question."

"Okay so not my best descriptive. And as for what I'm doing here? I honestly have no idea how I got here. One moment I was walking out of my apartment, and the next I'm hanging by a parachute off that tree." She said nodding her head in the direction of the fallen tree.

"And the bag full of equipment?" he asked holding up her bag.

"I found it buried in front of the tree. I guess the tree didn't like that so it tried to kill me afterwards." Aría replied shrugging her shoulders, deciding a partially truthful answer would probably wouldn't get her killed.

"You're Weapons?"

"Found them with the pack."

"And the Materia?" He groused holding up her Materia.

"I have no freaking clue how to even use it. Frankly the second it came up I dubbed it the "Glowy Death Ball… Of Death." That should tell you exactly how much experience I have around Materia." Said deadpanning slightly.

Sighing in frustration Sephiroth stepped forward and uncuffed her. "You are obviously just a civilian in the wrong place at the wrong time. *Sigh* Come with me. I can't exactly leave you in the middle of the forest." Sephiroth grumbled in defeat.

"M'kay!" Aría said happily slipping the long bow and backpack on, and clipping the climbing Axe back to her side before following.

**SUBJECT-XVI: And that's a wrap! Now it's time to the review I'm finally getting… Which admittedly isn't a lot. Firstly however I'd like to deal with a particularly flamey guest reviewer. Why he/she has bothered to continue reading a fanfic they obviously don't like is beyond me.**

**From: Guest **

**:... so this needs to be marked as a crack fic...your obviously not serious... and that's cool when your story is properly marked as one! Who likes to go into a story expecting serious writing by someone who is trying and cares and gets...this?! I was starting to wonder if this was going to go anywhere when you had the interface insulting her for no reason but I figured I would give this a shot...then this? Whats the point? why bother? and to not even start the story before your randomly throwing in crap with no explanation? why? why even post it?**

**SUBJECT-XVI: First off this is my first foray into the LIAG Universe so cut me some slack. Secondly tell me when is the last time you read a LIAG fanfic that WASN'T even slightly cracked? Those that tried before utterly failed (at least all of the ones I've read, and trust me I've practically read them all). Being cracked is basically a necessity. Had you read my AN's You would have realized right off the bat that nothing I write is serious! Least of all my stories.**

**And I didn't just throw a bunch of random things in it the summery clearly states that this story is a amalgamation of a bunch of off the wall subjects. And the reason I posted this fanfic is the same for every fanfic I post. I did it because I could. No other reason. Just be happy I'm not writing Death Rape, Something I can easily do if I wanted.**

**From: Guest **

**:yawn not even funny for a parody**

**SUBJECT-XVI: Well sorry! Excuse My very British sense of humor you ass hole.**

**From: Guest **

**:I bet you think people are laughing with you don't you? Just so you know the joke is not what people are laughing at it is you! A point is still required for humor. Not a bunch of vomited up events rammed together and called a chapter**

**SUBJECT-XVI: Ah Huh. Tell that to all of people who stop by this story every day to read it. Also YOU think your sooo funny you useless waste of existence? YOU who aren't even brave enough to challenge me wearing your name? YOU who feebly hides behind a computer screen and mocks someone who actually has the Nuts to post something for the world to see? KNOW YOUR PLACE! I at least make an attempt at something you are obviously TOO cowardly to do. You must think that your sooo tough to anonymously slur someone else's hard work! I applaud your audacity. I truly do. Now. How about this? Why don't you get off your ass and try to write your own fanfiction? Let's see YOU try to write something MILLIONS of other people haven't already written! I'm guessing you tried and failed miserably. I'm so sorry for your loss… Oh wait. No I'm not. To me you aren't even a speck of dust. Now be gone you wasted lump of human flesh.**

**SUBJECT-XVI: Ahem sorry the rest of you had to read that. On to the rest of the Reviews! Again there isn't too many. But then that's what I get for choosing a medium that isn't well known.**

**Flaremage: This was interesting, crack-ish and ver entertaining! Here's to hoping you continue!**

**SUBJECT-XVI: Thank you! I'm pleased that you think so! XD**

**the omega: Its a odd kind of fanfic but fun to read **

**P.s. one of your friends guilt tripped me into leaving a review**

**SUBJECT-XVI: Thanks… And let me guess. Ermis right? Yeah sorry about that. She insistently calls me her little brother (even though I'm older than her by a year and a half). I'll go scold her on proper guilt tripping etiquette later. She obviously wasn't doing a good enough job if you realized that you were in fact being guilt tripped. XD**

**SUBJECT-XVI: Well! That's it! Thanks for what little support you guys are giving me! See ya'll later! Please review! Thanks! SUB-16 OUT!**


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